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discretion
dih-SKRESH-un
- 01Understand
- 02Hear
- 03Distinguish
- 04See it used
- 05Choose how it lands
Careful judgment, especially the ability to keep sensitive matters private.
It gives one word for the skill of holding what you were told, which is most of what makes a person safe to talk to.
Secrecy hides things as a standing rule. Discretion decides, case by case, what does not need saying here.
work“I told him because I trust his discretion, not because the file was public.”
conversation“A little discretion at that table would have saved three friendships.”
thought“There is a point where discretion stops protecting people and starts protecting me.”
A colleague asks what was decided in a meeting you are not free to describe.
Meaning held still: Refuse to share the content without making them feel shut out or suspected.
“I can't say yet. You'll hear it properly on Thursday.”
It lands as: Closes the question and gives a date, so nothing is left to imagination.
Tradeoff: The flat refusal can leave them assuming the news is bad.“It isn't secrecy, it's discretion. Thursday, and you'll get the whole thing.”
It lands as: Names the reason for the silence, which stops it reading as exclusion.
Tradeoff: Explaining your restraint invites them to argue about whether it is warranted.“It isn't mine to share. Ask Priya on Thursday.”
It lands as: Moves the question to the person who can answer it, with no judgment attached.
Tradeoff: Being passed on can feel like being handled rather than answered.Direct
- certainty
- closes the question and gives Thursday, nothing left to imagination
- warmth
- the flat refusal can leave them assuming bad news
Warm authority
- attribution
- names the reason for the silence, discretion not secrecy, so it stops reading as exclusion
- exposure
- explaining restraint invites arguing whether it's warranted
Restrained
- distance
- moves the question to the person who can answer it, no judgment attached
- exposure
- being passed on can feel like being handled
“Give them the outline but not the details; a rough shape of what was decided satisfies the curiosity without technically breaking the confidence.”
Why it tempts: The partial share feels like a kindness that keeps the letter of the restriction.
Why it misses: An outline is the decision with deniability: the colleague repeats the shape to one person, the shape grows details in transit, and by Thursday the announcement is confirming a rumour you seeded, with the meeting's other attendees knowing exactly whose outline it was. The intention is to refuse the content without making them feel shut out, because discretion is a binary the moment it leaks by degrees, and the named reason plus the date does everything the outline pretended to.
Watch for: Discretion is judgment about what to disclose, not simply staying quiet. Silence that protects a wrongdoing is not discretion.
First met in The Visitor at Midnight. Saving keeps that example with the word.